Please note: I am 100 percent aware that things could be worse. I am not here to say anything negative about anyone, as I do not know everything they’re going through and so trying my best to see things with grace and love despite the hardships I am experiencing.
Three months ago I finally woke up and decided to trust God completely and walk away from the toxic environment I had let take over my life. After nearly 9 months of praying and trying to make things work with the father of my child, I had to finally let him go. He made it clear he had no intention to try and make it work with me. He actually told me I had to change in order for him to even make an effort. Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, my ex husband. I knew if I kept lying to myself and moving forward with this man I would end up slowly dying inside.
Sorry, that may seem extreme, but I know I am more than enough. And I don’t have to change for anyone who’s unwilling to change for me. Think of it this way: I was willing to look past his flaws to try and make it work. He wasn’t. And that’s okay, better to know now and move on before having it hurt even more.
What was holding me back was fear. Mostly, financial fear. See, I was already working three jobs and barely making it. Asking for a room-mate to move out meant losing the small amount he was helping towards my mortgage and bills. It meant waiting on the state of Illinois to process my child support claim, which I expected to take a few months even before covid-19.
But in January, I started readjusting my mindset to focus on the positive. I started writing down manifestations to change the negative things going on in my life into positive. To be completely honest, I never planned on sharing these but have felt called to since we’re all going through hard times these days. So, enjoy.
Instead of I’ll watch our child so you can work three jobs,
I’ll take care of you and our children so you no longer have to work three jobs.
Instead of I’ll split your mortgage with you but not contribute towards anything else,
I’ll make sure you’re financially comfortable and content.
Instead of my other child is worth more than the one I have with you,
Every child is priceless.
Instead of outgrowing a two bedroom condo,
I will own a beautiful and spacious house in the Oak Park area.
Instead of you’re not worth fighting for
Instead of I don’t want to help you heal and take down your walls
I’ll support you and be patient with you during your healing process
Instead of unless you’re struggling financially, I don’t see why I have to help contribute towards our child’s life
I will do everything I can to ensure our child is healthy and happy
Have a great Sunday everyone! And I hope some of this has touched you/helped you in some way!