Many single women feel like marriage is the ultimate key to eternal happiness, and I used to feel the same way. However, after going through a marriage (and divorce), I’ve learned that I’m in control of and responsible for my own life’s joy. Instead of spending time and energy focusing on marriage goals, I’ve shifted my focus on things that genuinely make me happy.
- I’d rather spend time growing. My professional and personal success is very important to me. While I greatly enjoy climbing the ladder in my career, I also have huge aspirations to own my own business and grow that as well. To a level where I have to just manage my employees and make sure everything is running smoothly. In addition to growing in my career, I also enjoy working on my spiritual and emotional growth.
- I love hanging out with my closest friends. I’ve been blessed with the absolute best friends on earth and I truly treasure our relationships. They’re some of my biggest cheerleaders, they make me a better person, and they play a vital role in my overall happiness. Instead of focusing on the romantic relationship I don’t have, I choose to cherish the platonic ones I’ve been blessed with. After all, these people are the ones who will be there through it all.
- Family is just as important. The time I spend with my family is so very precious to me. Especially after losing my mother a few years ago, I have grown to appreciate every moment I get to spend with my family. The joy I have when hanging out with my dad, step-mom, brother and sister (in-law) would be hard to replace. Same applies to my aunts, uncles, and cousins. They’re supportive and love me unconditionally.
- I want to travel the world. I love to travel. I’ve visited several different cities and countries but there are so many others still on my list. Traveling offers so many benefits. In addition to being an escape from the real world, it can also be very educational and enlightening. I always seem to return home with a new sense of purpose and gratefulness.
- I enjoy my “me time.” It wasn’t always the case that I would enjoy being alone. For so long, I longed to be around others and really really wanted a boyfriend to fill what felt like an emptiness within me. After achieving adulthood in my 30s, spending time alone provides a bit of self-rejuvenation. Whether I’m cuddled up on the couch enjoying a good book or catching up on my favorite television show, I can find plenty of happiness spending quality time with myself.
- Self-sufficiency is an accomplishment. My ability to take care of myself makes me very happy. It’s a great feeling knowing that I am my own provider. My self-reliance gives me a confidence boost that’s reflected in other areas of my life too. I rarely see a task as too difficult to take on. That’s a great attitude to have and one that I plan to keep even if I do end up in a relationship down the road.
- I love marching to the beat of my own drum. There’s nothing more satisfying than being able to make my own decisions and not have to worry about how those decisions will affect anyone else. I absolutely love the fact that I don’t have to consult with anyone about my own life choices. It’s a beautiful feeling and one that I’m not quite ready to give up.
- I enjoy the carefree approach to love and relationships. I truly believe people would take more risks in relationships if they weren’t so concerned about things not working out in the end. I’m not advocating recklessness but there is something to be said about living in the moment and enjoying each season you’re in. There’s no pressure when you’re single. If things don’t work out, it’s OK.
- Being married doesn’t automatically make you happy. Trust me, been there done that. Got the fucking T shirt. But that shit takes work. I tried hard, for several years, to maintain the happiness only to find that the other half of the marriage already moved on without letting me know. As a single woman, if I focus on the things that truly make me happy, anything else that comes along, be it marriage or a family, is simply a bonus to an already wonderful life. And I’m getting a big bonus in April with my baby girl.
So it took me 30+ years to get here, but I’ve never been happier. The joy that shines from inside is sometimes overwhelming. And I hope to share this joy with as many as I can.