Porn and how it destroys lives

What you do think of when you hear the word porn?

girl-in-white-dress-2571411_1920Don’t be shy, we’ve all seen it one way or another. And even if we don’t actively watch it, we’re aware of what it is. Do you call it art? Visual stimulation? A movie? Whatever it is to you, I’m going to talk about how it destroys people’s lives today. Yes, this may seem harsh, but it destroyed mine and I’m here to tell you how.

I was married to a person who I thought only had eyes for me. That is, until I found out he watched porn regularly. I didn’t find out because he told me or I caught him. No, that would’ve been too easy. And, to be honest, the idea of him watching porn didn’t bother me until it destroyed our relationship and the life we were trying to build together.

I watched the way he saw our sexual relationship transform from reality to fantasy over time. It wasn’t like I woke up one day and he had completely different sexual expectations, but gradually he kept bringing up the same oddball requests. As any normal human being would do, I would consider fulfilling his desires, and even try best I could, but I kept falling short. I just wasn’t into what it was he was looking for.

The problem wasn’t so much that I couldn’t deliver what it was my husband wanted, instead it was that what he wanted wasn’t realistic. Instead, it was what the magical world of pornography portrays as sex. And I’m here to tell you, porn is not sex. Porn is fantasy. Porn creates an unrealistic expectation of sex. And it destroys lives.

I also had sexual desires that weren’t always fulfilled by my husband. I would tell him certain things that I would like him to do, things he had done once before but stopped doing once we were married. And while I found myself frustrated, I never sought the answer anywhere else. I just utilized the tools at my disposal (i.e. myself) and made do with what my husband was willing to partake in.

face-848537_1920I tried my best to keep things interesting in the bedroom, in hopes that we could keep our passions alive. But over time, this felt very one-sided. And it became increasingly common for him to become frustrated with me and my inability to fulfill his unrealistic expectations. I started despising the porn, and started praying for change.

And change happened. God answered my prayers in the form of my husband seeking the answers to his desires in other people. At the time, all I could see was my life, our life, being completely destroyed though. This marriage we tried to build together came crumbling down. All thanks to pornography and the belief that what is meant to be fake was mistakenly taken as real. God freed me from this world of distortion that I was trapped in. And every day I thank Him for it.

How do you see porn? Do you think it affects people as much as I do?

 

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6 thoughts on “Porn and how it destroys lives

    • Thank you cousin! I felt this topic heavy on my heart over the last few weeks and sharing has helped me release some of the turmoil surrounding the topic. I know that porn doesn’t affect everyone like this, but it has affected me and it helps me to share my story.

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  1. Porn is, in my opinion, a distraction. One of many ways we seek to artificially realize our desires. But it isn’t real and can easily destroy those things of spiritual significance, those things that are truly real in our lives. I will admit to watching porn frequently when I was younger and falling prey to its lies. However I now seek something real and spiritual and find porn to be reprehensible . That all being said, I must admit that I find this post to be in slightly poor taste only because I know of the ex-husband of whom you speak and this was an aspect of his life I did not know. He probably would not wish me to know about this aspect of his life just as there are things in my life that I wouldn’t share with those who are not very intimately, spiritually close to me. Still, I can understand how it would be difficult for you to speak on your experience without implicating individuals who were involved in it. Tricky subject.

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    • Yeah I agree with you in regards to porn. It is definitely a tricky subject and it’s hard for me to talk about it without relating my personal story. I could’ve just said an ex but I think it would’ve taken away something since in my opinion marriage is very different than just a dating relationship. And I wasn’t going to write on this topic until many people approached me about it. I try to keep my writings significant to what’s going on around me and what my readers want to know. I don’t mean to offend anyone, though.

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  2. Porn can be used to fill a void. If you can’t separate fantasy from reality then you might need to seek help. If you don’t realize it’s destroying your relationship, it was over before it began. I’m sorry about the separation but it seemed best for the both of you. In your future relationships , be up front about it or history may repeat itself. Good read

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