I don’t know about you, but for me I feel like I’m moving so fast through life that sometimes I wake up and wonder how I got where I am today. Is it already Spring? Already April?! What happened and where have I been?
How did I get here? Some days I just run. I enjoy moving so much that I’m running not only a half but also a full marathon this year. Not just physically moving, but also the soreness that comes afterwards helps me feel alive. I feel like I’ve been propelled into this life I’m now living. A life full of joy and happiness. Sometimes, in the midst of the movement and exhaustion, I find myself slipping back into my old habits. I have a big heart full of love and emotion. For many years, I had a person to pour that love into. And I was under the impression they felt the same.
While I’m healing and getting better, there is still a part of me that fears being alone. Something I’ve always struggled with. But now I’m older and more mature. And I know that I have to be comfortable being alone and love myself completely before I can even consider the possibility of letting a new person into my life. So I have to force myself to sit down and be okay hanging out with just myself (and maybe Barley and the cats can hang with me too haha). I have to be okay with going days without talking to people. An extrovert’s nightmare, but I have to be okay with being introverted sometimes too.
For those who don’t know, I grew up very introverted. Over the past several years, I’ve gradually become more and more extroverted through my multiple jobs and passions in life. I feel like this isn’t a very uncommon thing, especially since this world we live in expects people to be extroverted. But as I’ve been going through this journey to being extroverted, I sometimes feel overwhelmed and I can feel my true introverted self screaming on the inside. So I have to pause, breathe, and let go of my fears.
This year will be the year that I work on myself first and foremost. With the help of God and my faith, I have big plans for this year. More to come soon. Love all of you. 🙂