Music, God, and everything inbetween [This is Thirty series]

Previous post: Junior year

Music is an escape. Music is a form of expression. What I listened to affected me in multiple ways. I would listen to Nine Inch Nails and Tool when I wanted to release my anger. I would listen to Vanessa Carlton and Alicia Keys when I wanted to feel romantic. I would listen to Linkin Park and Incubus when I wanted to express my weirdness.

I have always been drawn to emotional music that helps express how I feel in that particular moment. I would often post lyrics on whatever blog or medium where I was trying to express myself.

So many moons that we have seen
Stumbling back next to me
I’ve seen right through and underneath
And you make me better

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh my self to sleep
It’s my lullaby
Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breath?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I’d rather be anything but ordinary please

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
‘Cause you know I’d walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
It’s always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me


In addition to music, my faith in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit has also played a large influence on my life. I haven’t always been super religious, and actually don’t always go to church. I grew up Catholic and when I went away to college I decided to leave all that behind me. I did a lot of growing and soul searching in college (who doesn’t?). My sophomore year I joined Campus Crusade for Christ and a bible study. As time went on, I grew closer to Jesus and further from the people around me who weren’t on the same page as me. At the same time, I kept strong relationships with people no matter their beliefs. I was always very close to Joyce who was and still is agnostic. This doesn’t bother me at all, as I have always maintained a very open mind and heart to those around me. The exception I made was for those people who claimed to be good people and yet acted opposite from their supposed claims and beliefs. Those were the people I learned to push away over time.
I truly believe that my life has worked out the way it has because I took a step back from the (real) world around me and focused more on my spiritual journey. If I didn’t do this, I likely wouldn’t have completely destroyed my relationship with the guy I dated for most of my college life. But that is for the next post.

Next post: Senior year

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